the value of "ring checking"

Today I learned the value of "ring-checking". For those of you unfamiliar with byu culture, ring checking is the art of scanning a male's left hand to see if the ever-important forth finger whistles to the tune of some other cute girl. Before today, I believed that this ability to examine a man’s hand discreetly was over-rated and over-used. As of 12:38 today, I believe that the skill of scrutinizing a man’s hand is a vital expertise that demands proficiency.

I now take you back to my day roughly around 12:34. I had some left over rigatoni in my backpack I wanted to eat, but needed to heat up first, so I went to the JKB to use a microwave there. As I pass the vending machines and near the microwave, I see a very attractive man with really curly blonde hair.

Upon seeing him I think back to last Winter where a girl in my Greek and Roman Lit class was telling me about her fiancé with very curly blonde hair. After class most days, her fiancé would be there waiting and they would walk off into the sunset (or in BYU’s case, down the long white hallway) together.

Well, this man standing by the vending machine looked an awful lot like her fiancé. But whatever, I’m not going to go out of my way to ask him how married life is. Well two minutes later I’m standing at the microwave waiting and watching while my food spins around getting any nutritional content it once had nuked out of it, and out of the corner of my eye I see ‘attractive man’ behind me.

And for whatever reason, I am compelled to ask him something along the lines of, “Hey, this is random, but do you happen to be married to ______?” And the moment I am about to say the name of my friend and old classmate, is the moment her name decides to escape not only the tip of my tongue, but my mind. So I’m stuck there, looking really stupid as I can’t even remember the name of my so-called friend. So I start to explain my frazzled thought process. “There was a girl in one of my classes who married someone who looked a lot like you…” And he just looks at me with a quizzical expression framing his beautiful face. And I think/say simultaneously, “You’re not even married, aren’t you?” while I try to fluidly scan his left hand. His answer of, “No.” and the lack of metal on his hand register in my head at the same time. “Oh, sorry. Good to know.” Did I just say, “GOOD TO KNOW” when he said he wasn’t married???!?!?!?!?!?

Wow. I’ve said some stupid and embarrassing things in my short life, but that definitely makes the top 3 list. So, I turn around and channel all my attention to the rotating machine that is frying my food and possibly my brain, and stare at it like it is the most fascinating thing in the world. For the next 42 seconds I stand there, patiently waiting for the nutrients in my food to be completely gone and the bell to ding. And what do you know, my brain chooses these moments to remember my friend’s name. Kylee Eyre.

Moral of the story: do not take rings for granted. Even if you know that he’s too cute to be single, or, no, especially when he looks like eerily similar to your friend’s fiancé, CHECK THE RING. I once took too lightly the value of ring checking, but never again. I know better now. Take my advice. Or don’t, and have your own embarrassing story.